Montana Grandma

I should be in bed. It is late but Lynn is up talking to his sister on Facebook so I thought I'd write some of my feelings tonight.

My dad turned 85 on Thursday. He is an amazing man. This ugly disease of his is slowly taking him away from me and I don't like it. He has Parkinsons. Not a fun disease but my dad takes it without complaint.

He has been under Hospice care for quite a few months now. My mom has him at home. She tries so hard to keep him there but it is getting so hard for her. He is loosing his ability to walk. He now sleeps in a hospital bed that is in their bedroom because it is impossible now for the aids that come to help to get him out of their bed. My mom fought that one for a long time. Now I think she is used to it. They stuggle together at night to get him into bed and positioned so that he is comfortable. She cannot lift him and he cannot move himself very well so it is definitely a struggle. But she persists. Angels help her! The Lord strengths her!

Part of the hospice package is Respite care. That means that they will pay for my dad to go someplace so that my mom can have a few days off. She hasn't wanted to do this - she feels so strongly the responsibility to care for him herself. But a few weeks ago we told her that we (the 7 of us children) felt like maybe it was time to put Daddy in a nursing home for a short period of time to give her a chance to rest and regroup. My little brother is in training with a Nursing home group in Utah. He will eventually have his own nursing home that he will administrate. Any way, we were going to put Daddy in Bradlee's facility in SLC until he discovered that he had to go out of town for a couple of weeks. So he found one that belongs to his group that is in Ogden. On Friday, my mom and brother and sister took him to this nursing home in Ogden and got him all settled in. Mom stayed with him for the majority of the day - then my SIL took her home.

It was so hard for mom to leave him there! But she knows this is the right thing to do for now. He will be there until Tuesday. Then I'm not sure what will happen. It is just getting so hard for mom to care for him and it is too expensive to have him stay at the nursing home full time. They don't have that kind of money.

I know the Lord has a plan. We just have to continue to have faith that it will all work out somehow. My heart was hurting so much on Friday. I kept calling mom to make sure she was okay. I have a hard time finding the words to describe how I'm feeling about the whole thing. I see and hear the longing in mom's voice to just have him back like he used to be. But I also see the peace that has come to her since we had a family fast for them a couple of months ago. I sensed the increased peace in her the very evening of the fast. I don't know if she has recognized it or not but I am so grateful that I know it has happened for her. She has come to terms with everything happening I think. She is more just more calm. I'm so grateful for that tender mercy.

But still my heart cries when I think of my dad having to endure this. He is my hero. I love him so much. I have been born of goodly parents. I have memories of special times spent with my dad. I have pictures of him with my grandbabies. I have copies of blessings he gave me. I have a name that he made especially for me! I have knowledge of his testimony - not that I heard it too many times but I saw it every day of his life. I have seen him bear this illness with strength and with gratitude for everything we do for him. I pray that I can endure to the end like my dad is doing. He loves my mom with a pure love. He is an example of everything good in this world. Oh how blessed I am and how grateful I am to be his daughter.

I love you Daddy!